Things I wish I had known before...

For all of those girls out there, just getting married and having babies, a mother's perspective and a list that may help you.

As the mother of boys I can look back now and think, “Wow, I wish I had known that!” My life may have been a bit easier, had I known these things. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore the girls my boys have chosen. It was not easy with my eldest's lady at first, we had a LOT of issues, but as we have both grown and matured, we have learned to respect each other, and now have a great abiding love for one another that I would not trade for anything in the world. My youngest son's lady is adorable and sweet and is fitting well into the family. 

Here is a list that I have learned as a mother of boys, and as a daughter-in-law, a daughter, a young woman (stop laughing, I was once) and as wife. May it help all you young women out there blend into his family just a tad bit easier.

• Every little boy's mother worries about the girl he will bring home. Act like the woman you want your little boy to bring home to meet you!
• Understand that you will be trying to find YOUR place in HIS family. They have had all his life to fit in, it's your turn to fit into his. (Yes, I know the same goes for him and your family, but this is for you girls, not those boys!)
• Treat his mother like you want your little boy's lady to treat you. Have respect for her, offer to help, do something other than produce babies for her child.
• Remember, she thinks her child is wonderful, don't ever, ever tell her different! She will NOT side with you. She doesn't need or want to know how you plan to change her wonderful child.
• Even if she complains about her child, you are not allowed too. At least not within her hearing, or the hearing of anyone who may tell some one's cousin who knows your mother-in-law's hair dresser's collage roommate's aunt.... remember, you are a woman, and women FIND OUT what you said. She will hold that one sentence said in a moment of anger against you for the next 64 years. (64, really, it's in the mother-in-handbook)
• Never, never complain to your man about his mother. It is NEVER a good idea. Find a friend that will listen to you complain about “that woman” and let it out. But do not, ever, never, ever tell him.
• Never agree with him when he complains about his mother. He will forgive his mom for what ever it is that made him angry, he will not, however, forget that you agreed with him.The most you should do is, nod your head and say, “I understand” while he complains.
• Remember, his mom was his first kiss, she was the one who was always there for him, no matter what, she was the one who held him while he cried in 5^th grade over the girl who broke his heart, she was the one who made him birthday breakfast and wiped his snotty nose. SHE IS IMPORTANT TO HIM. He will always need and want his mother in his life.
• You are taking her baby from her. It may seem to you young girls as a silly thing for a woman to feel, but there it is. The truth in black and white. Give her time to adjust. Someday, some girl is going to come along and take your baby boy from you and you will understand how she feels.
• Accept that there are some things in this life you will never manage to do as well as his mom. No matter how hard you try. I still refuse to make banana pudding because, “Noone makes banana pudding like my momma.” according to my husband.... I have watched my mother-in-law mix instant pudding and layer it in a bowl with banana's and cookies. I apparently do not have the knowledge of the correct banana to cookie ratio. I gave that up years ago and just let her be the best banana pudding maker in the world, I do other things well.
• Remember, she has been a daughter, a mother, a wife, a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law. That woman is full of knowledge and will probably be more than willing to help you out if you ask for it. (Yes, I know, some of us can't help but offer that advice anyway, in that case, LISTEN to what she has to say, THANK her for her advice. Whether you take it or not, she just needs to know that she is still important in her child's life.)
  
• Remember that the older we get, the wiser we get. Why wouldn't you look to someone who knows your man so well for help? She will be able to tell you that the reason the only thing in life he refuses to eat is oatmeal is because they were so poor that they only had oatmeal for a year. Or the fact that it drives you crazy because he leaves the toilet seat up, is her fault because she learned in a houseful of boys it is better to put the lid down yourself than to sit on a wet spot.
  

There are reasons why she raised her son the way she did. Ask her. You may be shocked at her answers. You may learn something about your man that you had no idea. And in the process, you may even learn to be a good mother-in-law to the girl your son brings home someday. She is not evil, she is his mother. And you should count yourself lucky she let you have her child in your life.




It is said that there is no meaner animal on the planet than the mother of a hurt child. This fact does not change just because her baby turned 18 or 21 or 78. She will always love her child. Just as you will always love yours.

PS I have the above sign hanging in my house. The only difference is that I signed it "My Boys" instead of "My kids" and the colors, the colors are different too :)

Until next time...